Blagues

Rien de mieux pour passer le confinement avec la bonne humeur.
Partagez vos meilleures blagues dans cet espace 😉

425 thoughts on “Blagues

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  31. La maîtresse explique devant le plan d’une ville :
    «- Une grande rue s’appelle une artère.
    -Oui,dit le petit Julien, et la traverser sans se faire écraser, c’est une veine!»

  32. Un monsieur va chez le docteur.
    -Docteur,docteur, j ai TRÈS mal au ventre, aaaaaah !!!!
    -Qu’avez vous mangé ce midi ???
    -Des huîtres !!!! Aaaaaah, j’ai maaaal !!!!
    – Je vois, et en les ouvrant vous n’avez pas vu qu’elles n’étaient pas fraîches ????
    -En les ouvrant ? Pourquoi, il faut les ouvrir ?!

  33. Attention, la blague suivante contient de l’humour noir et des propos pouvant heurter la sensibilité des plus jeunes. Si vous n’appréciez pas ce genre d’humour, avez moins de… on va dire 15 ans, ou si vous n’êtes pas dans un bon mood, ne lisez pas cette blague.

    Un homme monte sur le rebord d’un pont, bien décidé à mettre fin à ses jours. Derrière lui, un SDF s’approche et l’appelle :
    – Eh ! Mon vieux ! Fais pas ça ! Tu as toute la vie devant toi !
    – Laissez moi ! Ma vie est gâchée ! J’ai perdu ma femme, la garde de mes enfants et j’ai été viré !
    – Ouais mais tout ce que tu as perdu, moi je peux te le rendre ! Je suis une fée !
    – U… Une fée ? C’est vrai ?
    – Bah ouais mon gars ! Bon par contre il y a une sorcière qui m’a transformée en clochard et pour me retransformer en fée…
    – Oh je sais ! Je dois vous embrasser !
    – Bah non pas vraiment. En fait faut que je t’enc*** (propos censurés pour éviter de heurter la sensibilité des plus jeunes ayant quand même décidé de lire la blague)…
    L’homme au bord du pont eu un peu de mal à avaler sa salive, misant le pour et le contre de cette proposition qu’il accepta finalement. Le SDF commença son… affaire, et après une bonne vingtaine de minutes, demanda :
    – Dis-moi mon grand, tu as quel âge ?
    – 49 ans pourquoi ?
    – Et à 50 balais tu crois encore aux fées toi ?!

    1. Timéo rentre à la maison tout de suite !!! Petit garnement va !!! Polisson ! Fripon !!!!

      Cordialement,
      Ta mère !!!

  34. Jesus Christ est né en 1940 avant Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris ne se mouille pas, c’est l’eau qui se Chuck Norris.
    Un jour, Chuck Norris a eu 0 en latin, depuis c’est une langue morte.
    Chuck Norris a déjà compté jusqu’à l’infini, deux foix !
    Quand Chuck Norris fait des pompes, c’est la Terre qui recule.
    Chuck Norris ne se lave pas, il fait pleurer la douche.
    Chuck Norris ne vit pas sur Terre, c’est la Terre qui vit sur Chuck Norris.
    Si Chuck Norris attaque l’Empire, l’Empire ne contre attaque pas.
    Chuck Norris a fini son forfait illimité.
    Gaspard n’est pas Chuck Norris, c’est Chuck Norris qui est Gaspard.

      1. Mais détrompez vous, je ne me cache pas du gentil admin qui ne va pas me juger (n’est ce pas ?) mais de ma conscience (cette blague est clairement pas la pire que je connais et elle me cherche pour me faire taire définitivement !)

  35. Quelle est selon vous aujourd’hui la définition de télépathe ?

    Celui/celle qui mange des pâtes devant la télé

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